My Missed Miscarriage

If you've been following my personal journey, you know that I've had issues with infertility and pregnancy loss.

I've been thinking about my pregnancy loss babies, and I want to share my story with you.

After trying to get pregnant with no luck, I finally started working with an OBGYN where we discovered that I have a hypoplastic uterus (small uterus) and I wasn't ovulating. With the help of my doctor, I was prescribed clomid to help me ovulate and I finally got pregnant.

We were overjoyed with this news after being unsuccessful for so long. We couldn't wait to meet our baby and we couldn't wait to get that ultrasound to show our loved ones.

My pregnancy symptoms were getting more intense, like I was having increased breast tenderness and my morning sickness. I had no concerns when I went to that first ultrasound at 8 weeks pregnant.

I was seeing the midwife for my first ultrasound and she was training a new (to the clinic) nurse practitioner at that appointment. We discussed what to expect going forward with the pregnancy and I was taking notes like a mad woman - I couldn't believe I had made it to this point!

We start the ultrasound and the midwife was struggling getting a view of the whole baby, so the nurse practitioner stepped in as she had more experience with early ultrasounds. I can see my baby on the screen and I'm ecstatic. They ask how far along I was and I inform them that I'm exactly 8 weeks - I knew this because we monitored all my lab values and did a follicular check ultrasound as it was my first round of clomid. I knew I was 8 weeks pregnant that day. Then they tell me that they couldn't hear the baby's heartbeat which they should have been able to hear at that point.

I initially didn't understand what they were trying to tell me. They measured the baby and it was only measuring 6.5 weeks. They informed me that I was having a Missed Miscarriage. I broke down crying and didn't know what to do. They gave me privacy to process what was going on and I text my husband.

When they came back to the room, they handed me the ultrasound of my baby, and then we talked about my options. They said I could wait until the baby passed naturally, I could take a medication, use suction curettage, or a dilation and curettage (D&C). I didn't know how to answer because I wasn't expecting this at all. I knew nothing about any of the procedures, and I didn't know how I could make an educated decision with no information or while I was upset. Since I recently had my hysteroscopy and laparoscopic surgery to check for endometriosis a few months prior, I didn't want to do another surgical procedure and have another large bill (especially with it being the beginning of the year with a new deductible). I had never heard of the suction curettage, and so I didn't know enough to chose that option. I wasn't sure if I wanted to take the medication, but I also felt like my baby passed away 1.5 weeks ago, and my body hadn't naturally passed the baby. I ultimately decided to take the medication to help my body.

I had to go to the local pharmacy to pick up my medication as well as pads for the bleeding. I was crying the entire time I was there. My life was twisted upside down and I didn't want this to be my journey. I went home afterwards and continued to cry with my husband and my dog, Frank, at my side.

That night, I took my first dose of medication and the bleeding slowly started. The next day. I didn't leave the house. I didn't walk my dog. I basically lived on the couch. My doctor had also prescribed me Norco and Zofran to help with pain and nausea for the pregnancy loss. The bleeding continued to worsen and I started having abdominal pains, cramping and uterine contractions. Yes - that's right - uterine contractions. Pregnancy loss is a form of childbirth and my body was basically going through labor to passed my lost baby.

That evening, I decided to take a bath for my mental health as this is typically my safe space. As soon as I stood up, I had a large amount of bleeding and passed a lot of pregnancy tissue. This is when I passed my baby. I had to clean myself up before I even got into the bathtub. And when I was attempting to relax in my bathtub, it turned into the worst bath of my life. There was pregnancy tissue floating all around me which gave me intense anxiety. While my bath didn't end up relaxing, I felt better that I was cleaner.

My husband and my dog were there to support me the entire time. I got lots of hugs and kisses from both of them.

Looking back, I thought about my options for this pregnancy loss, and I don't think I would have changed my decision of the route I took with the medication. More on this as we talk about my 2nd pregnancy loss, but ultimately, I got to experience my pregnancy loss on my terms, with the support of my husband and my dog at my side, and I got to pass the baby safely in the comfort of my own home.

Thank you for supporting me on my pregnancy loss journey. There's still more to come as I share about my other pregnancy loss experiences, as this was pregnancy loss # 1. So keep an eye out on my blog for my other pregnancy loss stories.

Navigating womanhood can be hard, but we shouldn't have to do it alone. It's my mission to help my clients with their health and fitness, no matter what season they are in (pregnancy, postpartum, pregnancy loss, infertility, or trying to conceive). If you found this information helpful, share it with a friend. With my Women's Health Specialty and Pregnancy & Postpartum Athleticism Certificate, I can help you or your friends with any questions that might have been unanswered for years!

Thanks!

-Stay Strong.

Jessica Shiyomura, PT, DPT

Enhanced Physical Therapy & Wellness